She sat quietly in her chair, not wanting to be noticed, yet wanting to be noticed with all of who she was. Attention-seeking and attention-denying, she found it hard to say exactly what she meant. She looked nothing how she felt, because she felt like a little girl and knew she appeared as some form of woman. Her hair short and curly, while her heart reflects long, and straight. Her bones not seen, yet all that is seen in her head. No one saw her as she was. She was covered through and through.
The slight attention was just enough. If she allowed him to see that she enjoyed, needed, it then all goodness of it would be lost. Anyone who loves giving attention hates giving it when they know it’s liked being given. And so she sat there, quietly, with her head down. Like she didn’t know. Like she didn’t mind or care.
She acted confident, but she knew he saw through. She hoped he saw through. She hoped he could love with the love she has been longing for. A weird blend of lover, father, brother, counselor. Authoritative is all she cared for…but no one in this world loved like she longed for love. Is it Jesus? Is it Jesus in him who sees me? She wondered. But this time she didn’t push it. She didn’t reveal all her baggage, all her sad stories. She let her smile show only mystery…and leave him be.